So you mad at God?

I would like to thank you for taking time out of your busy day, to come and check out this blog. If you like it hit the star. If its good, please follow. I believe that I have a good one here. If I don’t make you think, then I did not do my job. Either way please comment, because I wrote this one for you.


How things going with you and God these days?

So you not talking to Him right now?

Oh, you mad at Him.

How mad? I mean just mad or mad mad?

I thought something was going on.

I said, God, and you rolling your eyes, looking around like He cheated on you or something.


God did you wrong?

You trusted Him with all your heart and He failed you?

To think you gave Him all your heart and He failed you.


It might not have been all.
But you still mad?

Come on now.


You gave up everything and all God gave you was more problems?

Did He at least walk you through them?

What do you mean everything?

Ok that sounds more like it.

You tried, but did not want to stop gambling.

Ok so its more than that.

Oh your girl on the side. Aren’t you getting a little old for that?
I don’t think God is going to honor that union.

That’s why you mad? Mad because God wants you to be a honest person. Mad because God wants you to be an example. You out here like life is some kinda buffet.
Are you for real right now?

No, you got more. Ok.
You sick of Church. Did God send you to a bad church?

No that’s not what happened.

Oh that one.

Yeah we all heard that story.
You went to church, trusted someone, and they told your business.
Look man, God did not tell you to go tell strangers your business, just because they said amen.

People are people no matter where you are, but I feel your pain. I ran into a few of them. Just keep in mind church is like a hospital, we all sick, but some of us just don’t want to get better. But that’s not you. Is it?

That dont have to be you.
Still im asking you, why are you mad at God? What was it that God did that made you so mad?

OK so you mad at God because He wants you to be a better man. Does that make any sense to you?

Let’s think about it for a minute.

God wants you to stop lying, cheating, and wasting your life.
And you mad about that?

God wants you to work for what you get and not harm others in the process.
Seems like I should be mad right along with you.
What kind of God is this?

Wants me to stop standing and be a stand up guy. Wants me to stop spending His 10 percent on them bags of sticky.
Really you mad?

Mad because someone actually sees great in you.
Because He doesn’t want you to be the stereotype that you are living.

Come on now.

Ok its cool you don’t love her anymore. But your seed, what you don’t love them either? If thats where you at I guess you mad at God for wanting you to be a father.
Are you thinking about this?

Wait you mad at God because you have to get up and go to church?
OK, I feel you on that one, but it is easy to get up now that I’m not running the streets all times of the night.
Really, after church just go back to bed. Seems like something foolish to be all mad about..
So you mad about that?

God said come as you are, and you still got to get dressed up to go see “her” folks. Are you mad at her?

God wont let you be you.
You mad about that?
You got me again.
Yeah you right. God don’t want you to be you.
He wants the better you to emerge. He wants you to set goals so that He can walk with you. He wants you to be a better man.


Is it really my life?

Today is a very special day.

This is the first blog post after the purchase of the domain name.

I thank you for coming. Please like, comment, and subscribe.


By the time I was 8 years old, I knew that I wanted to be a thug when I grew up. It’s like I was crafted for the streets. I felt like it was why I was born.

As I grew older my plan was always there. No matter what I said or did, the plan could be seen. Always seen, but never understood. It was a choice that began to make choices for me. I was going to do right, but wrong felt so natural.

One day things began to change in me. Things that I was known for, felt alien. I was still me, still the same life, and still the same battles. Two things changed.

1. I changed my mind.

I turned 21 and 31 in prison. I was not going to spend 41 beside bars.

2. I decided to SHUT UP AND LISTEN.

When your life is loud, it is hard to hear the whisper.

Those two things began to change to way I thought. I still had to stay on my toes. Life was still life. I just decided to live it different.

Fast forward to right here right now. All I want to do is live for God. I want to dedicate my life to the work that has been placed in my heart.

I have been thinking about this life. A life where I only work for God. A life where my time can be used helping people. Not for my good, but for the good, for the cross. Does that sound crazy?

Nothing makes me more happy than when I’m doing something for God. Yes, I know that all we do, we do into the Lord. I mean, I want to be able to offer my life to the service of God.

1. Is this something my flesh wants or my spirit?

My flesh wants me to quit school, cheat on my wife, and make a B line back to prison.


2. What is the goal?

Change the way we live in this country.

3. What are my plans to achieve this goal?

I have a lot of plans. At this time I can not share them. They are on my prayer table, and as I receive answers, I will share. If you are an e-mail follower, you will get to help in future plans.

From street life to New Life. No, my life is not my own. In my hands my life belongs to what ever sin holds my attention the longest.

At least now I know that my life is in good hands. I believe that I have been called to do this work. As I type that, a voice is telling me, just quit. I will not. 5 years from now Tue. At 1030 I will be posting a blog. If not I’ll be doing spoken word in the Holy Court. I’m in this for life.

Will you become a part of this with me?

You don’t have to be a Christian to want to live a good and decent life.

I am NL Ross. That’s 2 letters N, L, I like to keep it simple.


I am NL Ross the Kings Servant.

And today it’s just some words is all I’ll be serving.

Airport security and I don’t know why.

I know the armour is a little loud, but don’t I look fly.

Fought all kinds of battles to find out freedom is not free.

Even the governments freedom come with a fee.

My thoughts moving so fast, you becoming a blur.

Hope you not looking for deep, these are just some words.

Stood there for so long, time got tired of waiting.

Another fair weather friend, I can’t understand why they all be fakin?

They said “now this is going to separate the boys from the men”.

Nothing but letters and collect calls, but no body saw his face again.

For you it’s just thoughts, I don’t know what I would do if that happened to me.

I lived through it, and he still got that limp, for thinking it was me.

Oh I’m going to stand right here, because I seen this before.

Back to the wall, eyes on everything, including the door.

A nod to the left.

A sign on the right.

I’m thinking plan B, this ain’t even my fight.

Don’t get it twisted, these hands still good.

It’s just I’d rather pray for you, so I can keep saying, these hands still good.

My dance card full, but they won’t let the music play.

Now I’m beating on the table and they all walking this way.

I worked hard in them streets, living to make a name.

Waited till the block was hot, just so I could be seen walking through the flames.

I saw things no one should see.

Been places no one should be.

Said things no one should say.

They said Facts, but come to find out, it was all for play.

The truth is not in them, but He gave us a gift.

Offered them wings of an eagle, but they already called a lyft.

Slept on a steel bunk when I lived in hell.

They let me go and I walked right into another cell.

Stood tall when I had to stand alone.

Pushed the knife all the way inside my clone.

Living for death, even made deals with the evil one.

Tried to end it all, but 3 days ago I sold my gun.

Warm bathwater and a razor, I’ll teach them.

20 piece and my favorite glass stem.

Needless to say it was a waste of time.

He said ” you lost yours, now live in my time”.

Progression not perfection, that’s the only goal.

Price been paid but the world is asking for a toll.

Can’t fix what I missed, But I wish I could.

Beating around the bush, anybody need wood?

They gave me roles, and no rules, I didn’t know what to do.

Told me what I was supposed be, but I had no clue.

Today everything is different, all things created new.

Rode my bike so much I’ve turned a light shade of blue.

Still going to let my light shine.

Really I don’t have a choice, the light is borrowed, it’s not even mine.

Hey, you heard of that dude calling himself The Kings Servant? He off the chain.

Fell in love with Love, now he about to change his name.

What? He always going to be Vincent to me.

Told me Vincent laid it down, New Life is who he was called to be.

Said the Holy Spirit whispered in his ear.

Now he got selective hearing, talking about its a ghost that he hears so clear.

You see how I did that?

Thing is I can’t really say I did that.

I’m going to sign out with my name, because that’s what I know to do.

Please understand I’m just doing the things I’ve been told to do.

Just some words, and a little feelings attached.

Next week I’ll be right back.

If you read all this, please leave a comment in the bar.

If you liked it, don’t be afraid to hit that star.


Prison is a Teacher


To learn is to live. No matter the situation I’m sure there is something worth learning. A lot of that depends on how you take in and process the information in front of you. I now tell myself that I am a THINKER. To me that means that I can solve problems, divert aggression, and think positively about my future. I was known as a man of action. 90% of those actions were uncalled for and in a way embarrassing. It is crazy the things we will allow to define what and who we are.


They told me I would end up here. “You going to be just like your no-good daddy”. They told me that if I did not change that I would one day wish that I did. Made me feel like I was the bad guy. I am just playing the cards that I was dealt. They talk so bad about me, like they had no part in the way I came up. As if I made this life for myself by myself. Friends and family tend to give you the cracked lens view of the world. Then they ask if they could borrow money, money from this life you want me out of. Said I would be considered lucky to make it here instead of a hole in the ground. Come to find out I am double lucky. Looks like they were right again. Not because they had my best interest at heart, but because this is the life of a drug dealer. You either get strung out or strung up out in these streets. Still in that frame of mind and I am nowhere near a street, and it is going to be just a little while till that changes. Now it’s time to make sure I make it out of here alive. Last time I went in with something to prove, this time I just want to prove I can get out and stay out.

Growing up I heard who I was from my family, the people in and around my life, and the music that I listened to. I was forced to become something I thought I had no other choice in. I had to be tough. I had to have money. Most of all I had to gain respect. There are not many ways to do this without breaking the law. Why do I have to be this? Come to find out I had CHOICES. Wish I would have seen and understood what they were.


The plan is really simple, keep my eyes low, mouth shut, and my mind on my own business. Last time I made friends, it cost me dearly. On my last bid I fought a guy because he did not like the way I talked. My voice, he was mad at me because of my voice. I think I have a very nice speaking voice. The thing is, he made it known and I had to do something.

I decided to fix it so that he could not talk at all. It was mission impossible, but I did stomp him out for running his mouth. This was not because I really wanted to. I had no other choice. That is according to the convict code. If I do not do anything it is an open door for anyone to treat me anyway they wish. I think you get the point. I had no intention of being anybody’s “girlfriend”. If he would have just kept it to himself it would have been fine. Instead he thought he would try to punk me on the yard.


I met this older guy today. He had three letters from his people, and he could not read them. He told me that he had been carrying them around for months, but could not ask for help because of his perceived rep. I had no clue that he had been watching me write poetry on toilet paper (it is hard to get paper when you have no money). My heart went out and soon I was writing letters home for him. This is how it started. When I got moved it just so happened that he was moved to the same yard and building as me. From that day on I was know as the guy with the words. It gave me an outlet and even kept me out of the way for most of the normal prison conflicts.

When I say normal, I use the term lightly. In prison anything is worth a fight. Not taking a shower, taking to long in the shower, even not taking your shower at the right time. The convict code is the law of the land. This code is hard to learn and even harder to live by at times.

A few weeks ago, a guy got jumped for being to loud after lights out. The problem was not that he was talking, because 85% of prison talking is done at night. The code he broke was that he was to new in the pod. He had been locked up for years but came to this yard about 6 months ago. He was trying to make a deal for some crack. And when they opened the cells the next morning that’s what he got, CRACKED upside the head. Them boys put a hurting on him, and then walked away leaving him bloody and beat down on the floor. If you are wondering, yes, we all saw it, and no one said anything. And no, they never got in any trouble for it. I never saw or heard of him after that day. Breaking the code can be very costly when you are behind bars.

One day this guy decided that I was messing up his money. He wrote letters but was not a poet. A plus for me was that he had very nice penmanship, which I do not. My deal to him was that we work together more. I offered to help him with his poetry if he would help by writing the poems I wrote for others. That may seem soft, but I think it is stupid to fight over writing letters and poetry. Plus, in the long run this deal allowed me to raise my prices. You know what that means. I went from one set-up every two weeks, to a set-up whenever I wanted one (a set-up is food made in prison, consisting of noodles, and whatever you have, to add in).


I’m going crazy. So much drama in this place. Grown men acting like kids. Yesterday a guy got shanked over a pack of noodles. I have a few people that I can talk to, but you can’t tell them too much. A little over 7 months to go. I can do it.


I got moved today. Since I am a drug addict, they are sending me to prison drug treatment. The good thing is that I only have 6 months left to do. As far as going to drug counselors, I just hope it is safer there. Safer means that I will be able to write more. it could also mean that I could get some sleep a few nights a week. I need time to think. I really want to create a book of poetry and short stories. Just a goal I gave myself. Not sure how that will turn out either.


I don’t know. I don’t have a clue to be honest. Last time I said it was the last time. That did not turn out so well. I am going to try. Try much harder than I did the last time I got out. I must take this matter into my own hands. No one wants me to succeed as much as I want to. Yes, I do have something to prove. They said that this would be my life. I say that this is only a part of my life.  As they say only time will tell.


I hope you going to change. Are you going to do something with your life? Do you want to be a failure for the rest of your life? How long till you go back to prison? I told you that’s where you would end up. I know you not done yet. You mess up this time and I’m through with you. All of these thoughts are running through my mind and I wish that they would just leave me in peace.

I made choices in my past to make life worth living. I did what I felt in my heart I had to if I wanted to survive. That is still my plan. This time I want it to be on the correct side of the law. Same plan just different motives.

I got out about 3 weeks ago. So far, I have a job and my probation anklet. Living with my aunt is not what I thought I would be doing when I got out, but here I am. I was only gone for 2 years, but the world has changed. I am glad that it did not take long to get a job. Seems the prison system can send you back if you do not find one.

So much going through my mind and I really am not sure which way is up. I must dig down into who I am so that I can become who I am supposed to be.


We will get to talk about prison and jail all you want. I have been locked up a few times. The last time I went I began to change. That does not mean I was out of the box new. It means that if given the chance I may be able to make a good decision.

Prison is a terrible, nasty, violence infested place. It is the playground of monsters of all sorts. Prison is also a teacher, that is if you really to change your life.

I learned 5 things about myself. 5 things that prison taught me. Maybe I could have or should have learned them somewhere else. The point is I learned them, and not only did they keep me safe, but it gave me growth as a person. taught me things that no one could. I had to see me in order to understand me.

  1. I am somebody.

For so long I lived thinking I was only worthy if I had what the people around me needed. Me life was only meaningful if I could fix all the problems for my family and friends. This is not true. I am a person and I do want to help, but I first need to learn how to help myself. My past is my past I did those things, but today I can look at myself knowing that I am a man and that my life does have worth. I am somebody. That is a fact no matter what anyone says about me or to me. I will treat others that way, but most importantly I will keep that in my heart.

  • I can stay out of trouble.

For two years I stayed out of trouble in prison. If I can do it here, I should be able to do it on the outside. How did I do it here. Easy, I followed the rules. When I get out, I should be able to do the same thing. That does mean I plan to get a legal job since drug dealing is not looked on as honorable.

  • My life has meaning.

I was put on this earth for a reason and I am sure it was not to help in the destruction of this country. I will live upright and pray that the meaning becomes clearer. I do know that my path is not to be in the streets tearing up our communities and breaking families up with selling drugs. So many deaths each day and I am still here. If that don’t tell me what will?

  • I can make better choices.

It is no longer something I need to learn to do, I know that I can. Even here I have been making choices to better serve me when I get out. I use to make excuses, or allow my temper to get me out of things that just might improve my life. Now I will be able to see tings much clearer. The choice is mine to make.

  • I can count to ten.

I do not have to let my temper get the best of me. just because someone does not agree with me we do not have to fight. My temper is my problem, and I must learn how to deal with it. counting to ten is something to help. I look at what is bothering me and count it out.


The name of the program is Horizon, there will be more on this in later blogs. This was such a help to me. I knew going in that something had to change. I just did not know how. I still do not have all the answers, but this is a much better start than I had before. I allowed myself to think about me as a person and the things that my actions said I stood for. Money was the root to all things, and I was willing to do anything to get it. now I know that I need it, but if I can not get it in a legal manner then I will not have it.

Learning about myself showed me that I am not the sum of my mistakes. I am who I am. I did what I did. Since I am still alive, I have a chance to impress myself with my actions. I have a chance to see if what I learned will keep me on the right track.

Not anymore. Now all I want to do is please God. Life is not about me, but about what I can do to give God the glory of my life. I got out of prison in 2007 and to this date I have not been back.

Servant to the King of kings,


Dear God

Dear GOD,

I don’t know how to tell you this. Don’t even know if I’m the right person to bring these things to your attention. I’m sure this is not going to be the news that you wanted to hear today. In my defense, I’m just begging for some help. I’ve been holding it in too long now. I have to let you know how I feel. I hope that you are not mad at me for this, but somebody must speak up.


 You want to rethink that decision? Or at least reign it in a little bit? Guys used to look forward to the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue, and that Victoria’s Secrets show each year. Now they just go to Wal-Mart.  They say sex sells. Why do we need to sell it? Pleases tell me why.

The women say they want to be comfortable. Hog wash! That’s what I say. Naked is more than comfortable. Way past it if you ask me. They out here in 2 strings, a face cloth, and war paint. And they are acting like they don’t want you to look. How? Jesus would you look? I mean I don’t want to, but how can you not?

What do I do? No one listens to me. No one can see them harm it is doing to us. Where is the group for this?

 God, babies are having babies. But what should we expect when the dress code is now bare it all?

 Hello, God, can you hear me now? And it looks like YOU are too busy.

 Hello, I’m talking to you. FREE-WILL?

What are we teaching our young ladies? SHOW IT ALL, USE IT UP, AND BLAME SOMEONE ELSE LATER?

 We need a better plan.

God, have you seen the stats on the divorce rate? I don’t need an answer for that. Cheating is at the top of the list. God, could you tell them to try to get dressed a few years and see how things work out? She is naked, her friends are naked, and she mad he can’t be trusted.


 God, I just thought I would try to help, since I have not heard a peep out of YOU, as of yet.


Yesterday I saw a man, he looked about 70, and he was sporting his sag. I almost cried. I thought, I bet every male in his family is doing that. Then he pulled up his pants and fixed his belt. I just asked for forgiveness. But the truth is that style needs to die. God, the men we look up to are walking around with their butts out. In church butts out. At work butts out. All of them, everywhere butts are out. How can this be a MANLY thing? Can you fix this?

 God, is there anything that you are willing to do? We got problems giving birth to problems down here.

They are all shouting, but they seem to have forgotten how to pronounce your name. They are all crying, but they holding on to the pain. They made signs, banners, and songs. War in all directions, but they talking about getting along. Guns, knives, sticks, and fists. Then them dudes put masks and tear gas in the mix.

I am a black Christian with a felony record, a white wife, and two mixed kids. None of those groups are trying to help me. But they want me to buy their shirts, hats, and make them rich. Want me to risk my life for something I don’t even know if I believe in. If I do believe in it, where do I stand? GOD, ARE YOU IN IT WITH THEM? What are they even fighting for? No, God that will not be me, but as for YOU, what you going to do?

This group wants me because we are the same color, as if that is the only thing that matters. That group wants me to be a token. Hey black guy, come over here with us, we’ll treat you good. Oh, those guys over there, they just want to know what kind of information I can give them. Standing alone makes me a target.

Wait! These are the same reasons people join gangs?

Do you see what I saw right there? Way more than 12 tribes out here. Where did they all come from? At one point EVERYBODY was color blind. Did they pray to you for sight? Because now it’s all about a CAUSE, they all forgot about effect. And everybody must weigh in. STAND FOR THIS. STAND AGAINST THAT. STAND WITH THIS MAN. STAND WITH THAT MAN. STAND UP FOR YOUR RIGHTS. STAND UP FOR YOU’RE YOUR NEIGHBOR. STAND UP FOR CHANGE. STAND UP FOR THEM TO MAKE MORE MONEY. All this standing is starting to feel like church.

I mean, they are walking the streets with guns I can’t even name. The old folks even in it, beating each other up with canes. Trucks, cars, and vans mowing people down because of hate. And this lady keeps popping up on my Facebook, because she wants to tell me my fate. The fight is going on now. There is no more silence, hate brings his own sounds. Do I dare mention Mr. 19. He came in and got us all looking like fiends. Fuel to all this rage. Color matters, I’m just going to turn the page.

Yeah, I know, but it gets even worse than that.

The political arena is also at war. By the way, more colors because just like the Bloods and the Crips, they also wear red and blue. All about members, money, and territory. Working to take over all things in pursuit of a goal. The dream of being in charge, having the power, being in control of the money. Lies to get what they need. Hate to paint the picture. Blinders so we see what they want us to see. Hidden agendas, slick talk, and some words to make you feel good. And they want me to vote, not the red and the blue, but the red and the blue.

I don’t want you to think that is it, GOD. There is a lot more going on, You still have that rod? Your preachers are out here involved in all kind of things. In church Sunday, muddy from top to bottom, trying to sing. Preachers stacking chips as they lie in church. We got 9-year-old gang members putting in work. High school drop-out rates don’t even matter, they are dropping out before that. OG’s stealing their lives and telling them they can’t get it back.

God, I’m going to stand on your word. I know that I have no other choice. God, I’m pleading with you, WILL YOU PLEASE HELP?

Your Servant,

NL Ross

5 Dreamcrushers


                I need you to think really hard about your future. I want you to see you doing what it is you want to be doing. To be able to smell the air around you. Knowing that the car you want is waiting on you, and your dreams walk with you, side by side.

What do you want to be doing in the next 5 minutes? Wait a second on that, I’m going to need you to read this.

What do you want to be doing in 5 days?

5 weeks?

5 months?

5 years?

                Did you get the picture? Did it make you smile? I hope that it did. I want that for you. I want you to be able to have out of life what you want and deserve. It is a great thing to see people doing what they want with their life. Unfortunately, I do not know how to tell you to get there. I will say DON’T GIVE UP!!

 I DO KNOW 5 THINGS THAT WILL CRUSH ALL THE DREAMS YOU CAN COME UP WITH. Avoid these things and I believe it will increase your chances.

Make your life with these things and I’m sure you will be accusing someone else for your faults. Lets not be in that position in our future.


  1. PRIDE

First things first, no one likes to be around the perfect person. So good at everything.  Can’t do any wrong. Expert in all fields. Did so much there is nothing left to do but fall face first in a puddle of self-gloating.

Keep your pride in check, your DREAMS depend on it.

Proverbs 16:18 NLT

Pride goes before destruction, and haughtiness before the fall.

  • HATE

I know what you are thinking. My hate has nothing to do with my DREAMS.

WRONG!!!! Hate is like weed in a flower bed. Flowers are doing so good, and it makes you seem to be happy. All is well until hate pops his head up. Could be the smallest thing. But hate does not like to stand alone. Next thing you know, hate begins to invite his friends over. Hate that can do what it wishes, could leave you in the weeds, so to say. 

Find a way to heal your heart. Hate has a hard time allowing dreams to come to light.

So, if you plan on carrying your dreams around, it will be much easier if you would drop hate off somewhere.

Proverbs 10:12 NLT

Hatred stirs up quarrels, but love covers all offenses.


One day I was riding my bike. I saw this car 2 miles behind me. I had to slow down. I think that is my homeboy back there. I was pedaling about 45 miles per hour. I kept slowing down until it was close. When the car caught up, I jumped right on the top of it, did a wheelie and jumped off. He rolled the back window down and I held on to it for about 20 miles. Then I went back home.

Of course, I made that up, but we all know this person. some of us being friends or have worked with him or her for years. This is how bad it is having a talk with people these days.

Lying does not make you more interesting, it only makes you look stupid. Go out and do that crazy stuff you are talking about, then talk about it.

                It is hard when you are forced to have dealings with people that have no interest in the truth. What can I believe? How can anyone begin to trust you? Where do you stand? Lying is like bad breath, brush it out of there.

Proverbs 19:9 NLT

A false witness will not go unpunished, and a liar will be destroyed



Cheating says a lot about a person. it says you do not respect others. It says you only care about yourself. It says that you do not respect others. It says that instead of putting the work in you are willing to take short cuts. It says that your worth is made on the backs of others.

This applies to all cheating across the board. From keeping the change you know the cashier should not have given you, to cheating on the one you gave your “heart” to.

Proverbs 28:6

It is better to be poor and honest than rich and crooked


Stealing ideas, property, money, people, and/or hearts is wrong. If stealing is part of your life, I ask that you please stop it. I did this one last because this one you have the chance to lose your life the fastest. Folks will kill you for stealing their stuff. Taking their wife, car, or money, you get shot.

Keep this out of your charter if you have goals to reach.


Ill-gotten gain has no lasting value, but right living can save your life


If your dreams mean anything to you.

If your charter means anything to you.

If the people around you mean anything to you.



                Yes, I know that there are people making a good living doing all or some of these things. But that does not mean they are living a good life. The world wants us to think a little dishonesty is ok. We are taught that from a young age. We have professions that lying seems to be the only way to get in. That does not make it part of living a good life.

                It is my vow to work on taking these 5 DREAM CRUSHERS out of my life. I will work hard to live an honest life. I hope that you will add a star to this, saying that you to would like to take this vow.



My First Blog Post

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                I wish there were a way for you to know the pain and excitement I am feeling right now. To be honest it is a little overwhelming already. I have not even started yet and im wondering if I can and if I should? It is as if this is my mark and right now, I don’t even have a pen. What will my life mean when I am gone? Wait a minute I may be taking this a little too far. I want to do my part, but I’m not sure if my part wants me.

This is a big step for me. It is more like a jump of faith. I have no clue how this will all turn out, but I plan to give it all that I have. That really don’t amount to much. I am just a guy with a bad past and a prayer to fix this country that we call home.

Life becomes different when you really sit down and start doing something you have been running away from. I am done running away. I will stand, just like I was asked to. I will run away no longer. No matter what happens next, I plan to stand. I ask to you stand with me, grow with me, and change this country with me.

I am so excited today. I feel like I am standing on top of the world right now. As if today I am more than just a man, more than my past expected me to be. Joy is flowing through my body in waves right now. Too much excitement for me to bear, but I must keep going. If only you could see me right now. Smile on my face so big my cheeks hurt. This is not my game face by any means.

My name is NL, just two letters, I like to keep it simple. I am a 45-year-old recovering addict, an ex-con, and most of all I am a born-again CHRISTIAN. I say that proudly, because it feels good to be on the right side of the fight finally in my life. I like to say that I have a colorful past. Colored with the stink of the world, and the bad discissions that it helped me make. I am sure that we will get into some of that with time. Right now im just ready to take flight. I’m also ready to dig a hole and burry my head.


                This is right where my path has led me. I am doing what I am supposed to be doing. I have help to offer and advice to a people that could care less. I am here because it is time for the good to step up. I am here because you need something that I have to offer. I just hope we get there before I run you off. I am here because this is where God has directed my path. Why are you here?

Are you tired of fighting with your family? Are you sick of being poor without reason? Do you want more out of your life? Do you need a trusted friend? Are you sick of “getting it together” and nothing changes? Do you need a reason to stop drinking? Are you sick of pulling yourself down? Are you sick and tired of being sick and tired? Are you ready to stop getting locked up? Do you want change in your life? Do you want to leave the past mistakes and problems behind? Do you want to live in unity?

Call me crazy but I want to change the world that we live in. I want to put a stop to all the wrong that we call right. I want to walk with those that want to live in change. I want to use my life and knowledge to help us walk the path that we were called to, not the one we just call ours. There are too many people alone all around us. Way to many not sure who to call a friend. These are just some of the things that stop our growth. I am here to join with you on a walk of change. No, I do not have all the answers. What I do have a platform in which we can find them together. This blog will not be a one way street.

                I plan to use this platform to educate, motivate, and evoke action. To do that I have many ideas to explore. I also hope that you will be willing to interact with me so that we can hit on the things that you would like to hear my opinion on, and believe you me there will be facts to share alongside my opinions. I am not here to tell you what to do. I am here so that we can find what it is we are to do.

I will focus on “Living Change and Living Together. I know that is a mighty big subject to cover, and together I believe we can do it. As I have said I am a Christian and if you are not, do not let that turn you away. Things that I will share will still be able to help you with change. Yes, I will use the Bible for things, but I promise to explain how these things can fit in your life of change. This blog will be for all to come learn, and even help teach. For me the Bible is the law, but if you are not a believer, do not worry because the story of the Bible is change and that is what we will mainly pursue. I will not force God on you, but the Bible happens to be the best self-help book on the market. If you do some research, you will see that most of them books are based on the principles in the Bible.

There will be times that I will talk about things like Jesus, prayer and fasting, but I will do my best not to alienate anyone. I just want to help us come together and find common ground that we all can stand on. No matter who you call your god I promise there will be things for you here. If you do not believe there is a god, still there will be things for you here.

Living change is a process that must have all of you. Change is more then words. It is words backed with action. Action that will begin to lead you if you are truly willing.


                It is my hope that you a person that likes to read first and foremost. You are from all walks of life from gutter to glitter. You are interested in how others live and think. You are a good person that wants to be better. You are a bad person looking to be good. You want to know how others think about the things you may not really understand. You are saved. You are crazy. You are any color, sex, and gender. You are single looking  for love. You are married looking for love. No matter who you are if you are willing to give me a chance, I am sure knowing each other will bring profit to each of us. Here we will be able to learn from each other. I am looking to make friends and help people grow. What are you looking for? I will put my email address at the end of this. I welcome all your thoughts and suggestions.


                I am sure that sometimes I may be able to do more, but for now I will be uploading once a week. This way we both will know what is going on. I will do it on each Tuesday at 10:30am. I work full time and I am a full-time student. Because of that I do not want to tell you there will be more and then I am not able to come through. I am a man of my word. That is as much as I can be.


I want to thank you for taking the time to read this. I hope that you will return as this page grows. Before I close, I would like to say again that this is our journey. It will not be all rainbows, but life is not like that anyway. I will not lie to you or mislead you. I want you to know that I am learning as we go. I will always be open to your comments, thoughts or criticism. I want you to grow and I want to grow also. I believe that this will be a little something that you could add into your life.

Together we stand,



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