I am not sure if you are going to get this or not. Sometimes I don’t get it. I hope that you will at least give it the old college try. I know I need to get a few things out. Have you ever felt like that? Since this is my blog, I believe that sometimes I have the right to write exactly how I feel. With that being said I would like to welcome you to SOMETIMES.
ARE YOU READY?
Do you feel good all the time? Is life just one great day after another? Is there a smile on your face at all times? It is not that way for me. Sometimes things are good and sometimes they are not. Sometimes I feel like this and sometimes I feel like that. I wish I could be happy all the time. Sometimes I wish this. Sometimes I’m wishing for that. I wish life was as easy as it was when I had no bills to pay. Sometimes I wonder why me?
Yesterday is now gone. Tomorrow may never come. My future could be over any time now. Last year I hoped for this year. Now I hope for one more. Will I make it? Sometimes I just know that I will. Then I think about how easy it is to die in this world we call home.
“I say what I mean and I mean what I say”. Get like that. Stop talking in circles. Say it how it is. Get to the root of the issues. And if you are one of those people that hear something and run with it without looking into it is foolishness.
Did you know what FOX NEWS said about its host in court? They love to run off at the mouth about things they should just leave alone. They got a lot of talk and very few facts. It is crazy how they cannot stand on anything. They are treating Wrong worse than the red headed step child. I wonder where that saying came from? Anyway, like me get to the point.
The lawyers that represent FOX said in court that “if anybody believes anything Tucker Carlson says they are crazy”. He said that everybody knows he is crazy. Funny how Mr. Carlson never brought that up on his show. The people he works for thinks he is crazy, that should tell you all you need to know about the whole channel.
Sometimes my thoughts run together. Since I am getting a little older some of those thoughts only cross at cross walks. I have also found out that some of these thoughts don’t even belong to me. You see I picked them up from a book.
I would rather hate those that are trying to kill me. I would rather hate those that have no love for me. I would rather not have to worry about what they doing over there. Sometimes I wish I could buy white sheets for my bed. Scratch that. Not only are white sheets not allowed in my house that goes for white towels and face clothes too. That’s real life over here.
Instead, I try to love all people. Even when I know it will not be a two-way street. I get mad. I get upset. I also get scared. I am not perfect. Let me say that one more time. I am not perfect. I believe in “progression not perfection”. Add that to the tablet of your heart.
That book that I love so much says “he that finds a wife has found a good thing”. I don’t know how you feel about that but, I found a good thing. A friend of mine said she should be a saint just for putting up with me. All I can say to that is at least I found a good thing.
If God is love, why do we hate so much? If God is fair, why can’t we be? If God is first in our life, why can no one can tell? If you are walking the path God has given you, then why are your shoes so clean? Why do you have the same friends you had as a sinner? I’m not saying leave them, because when they see your growth, they will leave you. But you guys still hang out? Looks like sometimes applies to more than just me.
God said in all your getting, get understanding, and we only see things how we think they should be. Wonder if it is a lie? Sometimes I wonder how we can say we follow God when we don’t care about others? If God can hear me, why can’t you? Are you ignoring the cries from the people of God?
Why is this hurting me so much? Is it the love or the hate? Is it ordained or is this just fate? Sometimes they mingle together. Sometimes it is hard to see where I stand. Sometimes I cannot even stand. Sometimes I run from a seated position. Sometimes I can see my thoughts. Sometimes my thoughts can see me.
Sometimes I think about some crazy things. Sometimes those things invade my mind so that I get off track. Sometimes I get so lost that I cannot keep my eye on the ball. Where is the ball? Who does it really belong to? I don’t think it’s mine the way it is playing me. One day at the courts this dude got mad and took his ball and left. Those boys went to get that ball and I never saw that dude again, until school started. I was not with them, but I have to say I played when they got back. Sometimes I think about that day.
Are you paying attention? Is my name attention? No, I did not ask you for money. Wait did you want to give me some? All I’m saying is if you send it, I will put it to good use. Yes, I do have cash App. Do you need me to send you my account name. Better be safe then to be sorry. (Dream put that info here when you proof read this, please. [$NLkingsservant]) As you know that was not for you, but since you saw it, I call my wife DREAM.
Do you know what it feels like to have goals that you will never be able to achieve? Sometimes I feel like my entire life was a big waste of time. Sometimes I can’t wait to die. There was a time that I wanted to take my own life. Sometimes I see those days returning in my mind. I was so lonely then. Like I was here all alone.
They could not see what I was saying. They could not hear the pain in my words. They overlooked why my head was low. They knew I was not ok, but they did not even try to help. They wanted me to see it the way they did, but my eyes have always been different.
The day that you find out after years of friendship there was never a real friendship. I thought we were so close. Thought that you really cared about me and the things that I had to encounter. Come to find out it was all a lie. Sometimes I wonder how you could do me like that. You saw with your eyes how people were treating me then you did even worse than they had done. Sometimes I want to call you and just ask why.
I need to be free. I want to be free. Sometimes I wonder what freedom feels like? What does it look like? Where can I find it? Sometimes life is just too much. Sometimes I really just need a break. So much so fast that sometimes all I can see are the stars, as they rotate around my head. Do you understand any of this?
Sometimes I am thankful for the traps that I have been able to pass. But other times I hate them and all they stand for. Traps set up for me to fail. How could I be a fan to that? Sometimes I wonder why the evil one likes me so much. Do you have these problems, or is it just me?
Sometimes I wonder God why me? You could have made me anything and placed me anywhere. Another black child living in South and North Carolina. Sometimes I wonder, God did you set me up to fail? Not only did you make me black but dark on top of that. Made me so dark that black peopled call me black. Do you know how bad that feels? They hate me for not being white and the blacks hate me for being so dark. Sometimes kids can be so mean.
Sometimes things just don’t feel right. Like the other day when this guy asked me am I mad at God for getting a young girl pregnant? No, I am not mad about that. Is that not the age most people got married back then? Sometimes people say crazy things. Want to pick my brain because you thought you had me. It is not like they had sex.
Sometimes we give evil people too much of our time. People that like to spin things to make others look bad. One of those things is this stupid thing called “black on black crime”. Took a look and see how that came about. It is a very interesting little story. And while you are in the mood to learn let me hit you with one more. Look up white on white crime. Then you too will see why it is a stupid talking point. Both searches will tell you the numbers are too close to even say one is worse than the other. Sometimes we need to listen to what is not being said.
These days we live like we don’t care about anything. That is not even the bad part. We are willing to teach our kids to be even more crazy than we were. We are teaching our youth to do whatever feels good and we know that is not how things are done. Free-range parenting in a jungle is a crazy idea.
Sometimes I wonder why there are so many stores in the black neighborhoods? And why are they always so beat up looking? Have you ever thought about that? Who thought that was a good idea? You can’t find one ABC store in the middle of the “good” side of town. But on this side of the tracks, they are everywhere. Are you telling me that only poor people drink?
Sometimes I want to be more like you. Are you young, white, and rich then yes you. Shame, no not here. There was a time that being my color was against the law. Just that thought hurts. I think I would love to wake up one day and that not be true.
Some of this pain is my fault. I think about things. Thinking will get you sometimes. The thing is I would rather hurt from the truth than to live in a wonderland. Sometimes I just want to know more that way things will be easier to fix. Sometimes I wonder why more people don’t care about others.
This is not about hate, but about the truth of things that I have seen, heard, and read about. Things that are part of my life. Things that I cannot get away from. Sometimes it is hard to get out of my own head. Sometimes it is the people around me that make me think such things. Like when he said we all have the same problems in life.
Yes, we do but things are different when one of those problems is the color of your skin. How do I get around that? You have all the answers? When I was young, we played the race game with the news. When they said a man did such and such, we knew he was white. How did we know? Because if it was a black man, they would spit that out first.
Why was that allowed? I am so glad that is not still happening. Sometimes I am just so mad that it is still allowed. Still, we have not learned. Still, we allow the hate to be our voice. How does this jive with all this Christianity we say we live? It goes past that. You can have two kids the same age and same crime but different coverage. The white boy will still be a child or teenager. And on the other hand, the black boy the same age is called a black man.
Don’t stop me when you get upset. Stop me when I lie. Sometimes I just don’t understand what we are going to do with ourselves. Did you know that Africa was in the Bible? Did you know that most of those people in the Old Testament were colored people? Tell me this, are you going to choose Hell when you find out that Jesus is not a blond-haired surfer boy?
Please tell me that race no longer matters. Tell me that all people have the same choices in life. Please tell me that you can’t see color. I hate when people say that. They know it’s a lie from the last time they said it. That’s why they say it in the first place. Your clothes match, you not running red lights, and most of all you act different when we are around.
A friend of mine told me that the Democrats were trying to ruin this country. I asked why did he feel that way. He told me look at them. So, I did. Still wondering what the problem was I asked again. He told me that all people are treated the same in this country and they are trying to divide us. I am not even going to with that one. I hope you don’t think like this.
Sometimes I wonder. Sometimes, I think. Sometimes I wonder while I am thinking. Sometimes I think I made it. Might not seem much to you, but the statistics say I should be dead by now. Think about that for a second, I know I do.
Show of hands, who wants to go back to the bag phones? Who wants to go back to horse and buggy? Then why is it such a problem when people want to make this country better. Nobody thinks it is the worst place to be, but that doesn’t make it a fair place. What is so wrong with treating all people the same?
Sometimes I want “WE THE PEOPLE” to include all the people.